Alchemy begins with a radical possibility. In order for some new possibility to arise, something old and outmoded needs to die. Through decline, stillness, and deep rest, energy accumulates so that something new can come to life.
Lately I’ve been thinking about the word “darkness.” When I hear someone say, “I’m having these dark thoughts” or “that was a very dark time for me,” I get that they assume I’m right there with them, making the same familiar association between darkness and evil, darkness and pain, darkness and suffering, darkness and generic badness of every variety.
But I’m not.
Yesterday I withdrew from teaching a webinar – Trauma and the Heart in Traditional Chinese Medicine. This class was planned for next month and I have been preparing for it for the last few weeks, as I have also been intent on getting ready for a host of other classes and commitments.
This morning, I know that I am going to teach the class on trauma but not next month. The decision was tough for me. It goes against the grain of my familiar, enthusiastic, heroic outer personality. I am not someone who backs out of a commitment. But it was also a huge relief – listening to a bigger, wiser part of me – the Self instead of the ego – that knows that the Hero needs a rest. It is not right for me to push myself so forcefully at this time.